Much Ado About Nothing

Lately I feel bad a lot of the time because I feel like I'm letting people down right and left. I'm not doing anything, and I guess that's the problem.

I've come to realize that I've spent a good portion of my life trying to make others happy, often by doing things for or with them. But this choice has left me really unhealthily balanced as far as the time I spend on myself--renewing my energy and physically resting.

A couple things happened in the last few months to change this, maybe for the better, at least for me.

1. I spent a week out "on the farm" housesitting for a friend of mine. During this time I didn't make plans with people or use my phone very much. I didn't email outside of work. I just had some good time to myself and I think that this experience has impacted my decisions about how to spend my time now.

2. I had a really terrible two months at work between August and September which left me feeling absolutely drained and mindless. I simply collapsed in many respects. By default, I stopped calling and hanging out with most people in my life.

3. I started realizing that I am responsible to provide my own rest through my choices of when and where and with whom to spend my time. So this has naturally led me to begin reevaluating all of these choices.

I hope I'm not coming off like some lunatic who thinks she's too popular for her own good. That's not my intent and it's not who I am. I just have a tendency to over-invest in others, to my detriment. And then I end up too tired to enjoy life.

So I'm trying not to feel bad as I choose quality over quantity, but it is very hard.